Photo: Ben Sutherland/Creative Commons
When I was a freshman in college, making new friends was easy. Almost everyone I met was in the market for a new social group. As a bona fide grown up, however, it?s not nearly as easy to find other adults who have the time or inclination to invest in forming new relationships. Since moving to a new city this summer, my husband and I are meeting new people, but struggling to take those encounters to the next level of friendship.
Meeting Friends of Friends
Whenever I?ve moved into a new situation, be it a new job or a new city, I?ve had ?or been able to make rather quickly--at least one friend. Logic suggests that this one friend would be the gateway to other friends, but that?s not how it always plays out in real life. What usually happens is that I hangout with friends of friends in group situations, but I hesitate to reach out to those new acquaintances when our go-between isn?t around.
Once in a while, however, I?ll meet someone at a social gathering and the connection is stronger than the awkwardness of bypassing our mutual friend. We might have a shared interest, or our personalities just click. In those cases, I swap Facebook or Twitter info and see if we can develop a dialogue of our own after the party has ended. I haven?t figured out how to make this scenario work with people who aren't active on social media.
Taking Social Media Offline
Speaking of social media, my husband and I are both on Twitter and Facebook. I?ve had much more luck than he has of turning friends and followers into actual relationships. In fact, most of my current friendships have roots in social media.
My husband, Jared, chats people up online, but never sees an opening to take the conversation offline. I make a point of attending in-person gatherings, like ?tweet-ups? or local events where my online friends will be hanging out. Admittedly, the first time can be really uncomfortable and I almost always have to force myself to go. Also, I?ve ended up sitting alone at a bar in the midst of a social media gathering more than once. But I keep pushing myself, because I?ve made really good friends at conferences and social media parties.
Getting Involved in Community Groups
I confess to joining more than one parent organization in an attempt to make friends rather than because of an overwhelming urge to serve. I also confess that the end result of this plan tends to be a long list of things to do and a short (or non-existent) list of people to call for a girls? night out. The people who join these organizations tend to be busy, and they may be more interested in getting things done than meeting new people. In my experience, the PTA and other volunteer groups are better for making acquaintances (also known as networking) and giving back than they are for finding BFFs. That?s not to say that you won?t connect with a fellow advocate over bake sale planning, but it is a good idea to limit yourself to causes and committees that really do matter to you.
Joining Social Clubs
This method makes the most sense, and it is the route I?ve taken the least frequently. Sites like meetup.com are gathering places for people who are actively looking to make new connections. It?s like freshman orientation for adults. Like most aspects of adulthood, however, there are no guarantees; I once got kicked out of a mommy group I joined via Meetup. Although my past experience wasn?t ideal, I am planning on looking for some local Meetups again. This time, however, I?ll look for groups that focus on interests a little more specific than parenthood.
No matter what avenue I?ve taken to make friends as an adult, I?ve found that making a match is often a numbers game. You have to keep putting yourself out there and meeting lots of people in order to find the handful with whom you?ll really connect. The fact that most of your interactions won?t lead to life-long relationships (or even a repeat meeting) can be a little discouraging, but I remember that doing things I like around new people is fun. I try to keep my expectations realistic and enjoy the process.
How do you make friends with other adults?
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Source: http://parentables.howstuffworks.com/take-charge/how-make-friends-other-grown-ups.html
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